As parents, we need to spend way more time making things right: taking care of ourselves, our marriage relationship, parent/child relationship and teaching our children than focusing on what is wrong. Correcting should be the smallest part of parenting. This is the KEY to effective parenting, focusing more on helping things go right. The purpose is to spend the most time at the bottom of the pyramid.
To help things go well in parenting, we need to first focus on caring for ourselves, on our personal way of being! Our personal way of being is who are as people. It is the function of our deepest attitudes and sensibilities toward others. It is the way we see and experience people in our world. We want to get to a place where we are selfless in our relationships. We want to appreciate our husbands or wives and honor him/her as a person. We want to feel good about how we are living our lives so we may share that with others.
Striving to live in a way that is selfless and centered on love, respect, and understanding makes a profound difference in how we parent. For example, when we take the time to appreciate our spouse as a person, recognizing their efforts, struggles, and strengths, we build a healthier, more supportive partnership. When we feel good about our own lives, our goals, and our growth, we naturally become more patient, generous, and present in our relationships. This inner strength becomes the energy source we draw from in order to parent well. have heard some moms say they feel selfish if they do things for themselves.
Many mothers—and fathers, too—struggle with the idea of taking time for themselves. It can feel selfish, especially when there are always so many needs to be met. But the truth is, not taking care of ourselves can be even more selfish in the long run. When we are emotionally drained, physically tired, mentally unengaged, or spiritually depleted, we have very little to offer our families. We become reactive instead of proactive, frustrated instead of compassionate. To be able to give to others, we must first fill our own pitchers. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
We need to take care of ourselves by keeping a balance in our lives of mental, physical, social and for those who desire, spiritual. We should make goals so we are growing in these areas which will help us be mentally healthy. For mental, it’s important to continue learning and growing for our brains. This can be through reading, listening to podcasts, attending classes, or simply setting personal goals. Keeping our minds active helps us remain engaged and resourceful as parents. For physical, we should set up a workout routine for the week even if we are just walking 3 days a week. Physical also includes proper nutrition and adequate rest. For social, we could look for ways to serve others although our children may be all who we are able to serve during the younger years. It is great to make a few friends so you have others to talk to and help when they need it. Social could also be making sure we are going on dates with our spouses. Connecting with others matters deeply. And spiritual for me, I pray daily for help with children to know how to deal with different situations and I try to read scriptures and teach my children as well. For many, spiritual growth serves as the anchor that holds everything else together. It does not have to be an equal balance but including these 3 or 4 areas in our lives, will help us to feel energized and happy and willing to serve our children, spouses and neighbors or friends.
Ultimately, when we take care of ourselves and prioritize our relationships, everything else in parenting falls into place more naturally. We correct less because we teach more. We react less because we prepare more. We don’t have to constantly put out fires because we’re nurturing a peaceful and connected environment. And even when things go wrong—and they inevitably will—we’re better equipped to handle them with love, grace, and wisdom. By focusing our energy on what really matters—starting with ourselves and building upward—we create a family culture that is resilient, loving, and joyful.
I am the Phoenix Rising. (2019, May 31). Parenting series 1 of 3: The parenting pyramid. I am the Phoenix Rising. https://iamthephoenixrising.wordpress.com/2019/05/31/parenting-series-1-of-3-the-parenting-pyramid/
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