Parenting-Nurturing our Children

 

NURTURING

Nurturing

Nurturing plays a powerful and lasting role in a child’s emotional, spiritual, cognitive, and physical development. It’s all about creating balance so our children can grow up healthy in every way—mind, body, heart, and soul. When we nurture our children, we are doing more than meeting their daily needs. We are shaping how they see themselves, how they understand the world, and how they learn to connect with others. We are helping form the foundation for their identity, emotional security, and their ability to love, serve, and lead throughout their lives.

There are so many ways we can nurture our children. One of the most basic is through physical care—making sure their needs for food, rest, safety, and comfort are consistently met. But nurturing also means providing emotional support, being available to offer love, affection, and reassurance, especially during difficult moments. Children need to feel that they are deeply loved, not just when things are going well, but especially when they’re struggling.  Another important way to nurture is through learning and growth opportunities. This means creating chances for our kids to explore their interests, learn new skills, and engage in activities that support their talents. It could be something simple like reading a book together, encouraging creativity through art or music, or helping them practice a sport or hobby they enjoy.  Responsive caregiving is also essential. This is when we’re really tuned in to our children—paying attention to their cues, listening to their words and body language, and responding in ways that make them feel seen and understood. When we respond instead of react, we build trust and help our children feel safe.  We also nurture through positive reinforcement—noticing and praising the good we see in our children. Whether it’s kindness, effort, responsibility, or creativity, recognizing these things helps children feel valued and encourages more of that behavior.  Clear communication is another nurturing tool. It’s important to create a home environment where children feel safe to express themselves openly. They need to know their voices matter. That doesn’t mean we agree with everything, but we allow space for healthy conversations, even when the topics are hard.   Spending quality time with our kids is one of the most meaningful forms of nurturing. Just being with them, whether it’s playing, talking, going on a walk, or sharing a meal, builds connection. We don’t have to do grand things—it’s the little moments of undivided attention that stick.  We also nurture by setting boundaries. Children feel safer when they know what’s expected of them. Clear rules and limits give structure, but we should also be flexible and understanding when needed. Boundaries with love help children grow.   Finally, we nurture by promoting independence. It’s not about controlling every step but instead encouraging our kids to make choices, solve problems, and become confident in who they are. When we allow space for them to develop their sense of self, we send the message that we believe in them.

Nurturing is absolutely vital for healthy brain development and secure attachment. When children feel nurtured, they build strong relationships, develop a healthy sense of self-worth, and learn how to regulate emotions. They feel safe, and that safety gives them the confidence to explore, learn, and grow. Nurturing helps children become more resilient in the face of stress and helps set them up to thrive both now and in the future.

Nurturing doesn’t always come easily. Families face real challenges—stress, trauma, financial struggles, or lack of support systems—that can make it hard for parents to be emotionally present. When parents are overwhelmed, tired, or unsupported themselves, it’s difficult to show up in nurturing ways. This is why self-care and support matter so much. Parents need to take care of their own emotional and physical well-being so they can care for their children in the best way possible.

Some simple but powerful ways to be more nurturing include creating a loving and positive home environment, validating our children’s feelings, being patient when they’re struggling, and reaching out for help from family or professionals when we need it.

Dr. John Gottman, a researcher from the University of Washington and author, did a 20-year study with 119 families and found that the greatest parenting successes came when parents were present for their children during moments of emotional distress. These parents did not tell their kids what to feel—they helped them name their emotions and guided them in calming their nervous systems. This approach is called emotion coaching.

Emotion coaching means being aware of your child’s feelings, seeing emotions as opportunities to connect and teach, listening with empathy, helping them label their emotions, and then setting limits while also problem-solving. It’s important to say yes to emotions but not necessarily all behaviors. For example, it’s okay to feel angry, but not okay to hit. This kind of nurturing helps kids learn emotional intelligence, which is a crucial skill for life.

There’s a great clip from the movie Inside Out that illustrates this. In the scene, Sadness comforts Bing Bong by simply listening and validating his feelings. This allows him to process the emotion and move forward. That’s what our kids need from us too.

When we nurture our children in this way, we help them shift from reactivity to receptivity—a place where they can learn and grow. At birth, a child’s “downstairs brain” (instincts and survival responses) is already functioning, but the “upstairs brain” (reasoning, empathy, decision-making) is still developing. Through nurturing experiences and secure relationships, we help build and strengthen that upstairs brain.

In the end, nurturing our children—loving them, connecting with them, teaching them through our presence—helps them develop an internal compass. They become individuals with empathy, confidence, and a strong conscience. That is the kind of legacy we want to leave as parents.

REFERENCES:
Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (1997). Raising an emotionally intelligent child: [The heart of parenting]. Simon & Schuster.

Pixar. (2016, June 17). Inside Out movie clip: Sadness comforts Bing Bong [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgQBPSECgZg

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). No-drama discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child’s developing mind. Bantam Books.

Parenting-The Importance of Understanding our Children

 

Understanding our Children

Good parenting is flexible and adjusts to a child’s stage of development. As parents, it’s important that we allow our children to acquire skills at their own pace. The key to supporting their development is readiness. Children grow and mature in their own time, and it’s essential that we try to adapt our parenting to meet the unique needs of each child. We need to stay in tune with our children's growth, as their abilities, concerns, and needs will constantly change throughout their lives.

A child’s development is influenced by a combination of biology, temperament, parental involvement, and the environment in which they are raised. There are several crucial points to keep in mind when learning how to adapt parenting strategies to fit each child:

1. When a child transitions from one developmental stage to another, changes occur both inside and out. Their brains, emotions, and perspectives shift along with physical growth, so the way they relate to the world also changes.

2. Stages of psychological development are reasonably predictable. As parents become more familiar with what typically happens during each stage, it becomes easier to enjoy the journey and appreciate the time we have with our children, rather than becoming overwhelmed or confused by their behaviors.

3. Neither parents nor children can control the pace of development. Whether it is physical or psychological growth, the process takes time. This means we need to be patient and avoid comparing our child’s progress to that of other children. Each child is on a personal path.

4. The same developmental forces that help children grow are often the source of parenting challenges. By recognizing this, we can better understand our child’s behavior and respond with greater empathy and patience.

Patience is absolutely essential during developmental transitions. Children may seem very mature in one area, such as language, but still struggle emotionally or socially. This uneven growth is perfectly normal. My instructor in my Parenting Skills class taught that there are four primary age stages of development: birth to 2 years, 3 to 6 years, 7 to 11 years, and 12 to 17 years. Within each stage, there are three main domains of development to be aware of: physical, cognitive, and socio-emotional.

Parents should take the time to learn about each of these domains to know what to expect during different stages. Having realistic expectations can help us respond in more supportive and helpful ways. We must also remember that even within these guidelines, each child will differ in how they progress. Some children walk early, others talk late, and many don’t follow the same timeline as their siblings. That’s okay.

As our children grow, our role as parents must evolve. Early on, we are more in control, guiding nearly every part of a child’s life. But over time, we need to shift from controlling our children to helping them learn how to control themselves. Eventually, we stop shaping who we think they should be and instead begin to admire the unique person they are becoming. We move from directing to guiding, and finally, to supporting.

Sometimes, children struggle not because something is wrong with them, but because their parents have unrealistic expectations. When parents don't understand what is developmentally appropriate, they may place unfair demands on their children. This can lead to children feeling like failures simply because they can’t meet impossible standards. Over time, these children may begin to see themselves as broken, disappointing, or unworthy. They may develop feelings of inferiority, anxiety, and insecurity, and struggle to relate to others with empathy.

An effective parent works to get inside the child’s mind—understanding how they think, feel, and perceive the world around them. Behavior always has a reason behind it. Rather than just reacting, we should take time to ask why our children are acting a certain way. What emotions are they trying to express?

We also need to consider each child’s temperament. Temperament is the natural disposition we are born with—it affects how we respond to the world. Some kids are easygoing, while others are sensitive or highly active. Temperament is not under a child’s control. For example, it’s not until around age 7 or 8 that a very energetic child can truly manage sitting still for long periods or talk themselves out of being scared. Understanding this helps us be more compassionate and supportive.

While we can apply general principles of parenting, it’s critical to tailor our approach to each individual child, moment by moment. One powerful way to do this is to spend one-on-one time with each child. This personal attention allows us to better understand them, build trust, and help them feel supported and seen.

Ultimately, when children feel understood, they thrive. They develop confidence, build strong relationships with their parents, and grow up feeling loved and capable. Understanding what behaviors are appropriate for each stage allows us to parent more effectively and with greater empathy.

By staying informed, staying flexible, and staying patient, we can guide our children through every phase of their development with love and wisdom.

Brigham Young University–Idaho. (n.d.). Parenting [PDF]. Brigham Young University–Idaho. https://content.byui.edu/file/4de04ca1-9da9-4b75-bfd2-1a87b913a12a/1/Parenting.pdf

Parenting- CARE FOR SELF FIRST

As parents, we need to spend way more time making things right: taking care of ourselves, our marriage relationship, parent/child relationship and teaching our children than focusing on what is wrong. Correcting should be the smallest part of parenting.  This is the KEY to effective parenting, focusing more on helping things go right. The purpose is to spend the most time at the bottom of the pyramid.

To help things go well in parenting, we need to first focus on caring for ourselves, on our personal way of being! Our personal way of being is who are as people. It is the function of our deepest attitudes and sensibilities toward others.  It is the way we see and experience people in our world.  We want to get to a place where we are selfless in our relationships. We want to appreciate our husbands or wives and honor him/her as a person. We want to feel good about how we are living our lives so we may share that with others.

Striving to live in a way that is selfless and centered on love, respect, and understanding makes a profound difference in how we parent. For example, when we take the time to appreciate our spouse as a person, recognizing their efforts, struggles, and strengths, we build a healthier, more supportive partnership. When we feel good about our own lives, our goals, and our growth, we naturally become more patient, generous, and present in our relationships. This inner strength becomes the energy source we draw from in order to parent well.  have heard some moms say they feel selfish if they do things for themselves.  

Many mothers—and fathers, too—struggle with the idea of taking time for themselves. It can feel selfish, especially when there are always so many needs to be met. But the truth is, not taking care of ourselves can be even more selfish in the long run. When we are emotionally drained, physically tired, mentally unengaged, or spiritually depleted, we have very little to offer our families. We become reactive instead of proactive, frustrated instead of compassionate. To be able to give to others, we must first fill our own pitchers. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

We need to take care of ourselves by keeping a balance in our lives of mental, physical, social and for those who desire, spiritual.  We should make goals so we are growing in these areas which will help us be mentally healthy. For mental, it’s important to continue learning and growing for our brains. This can be through reading, listening to podcasts, attending classes, or simply setting personal goals. Keeping our minds active helps us remain engaged and resourceful as parents. For physical, we should set up a workout routine for the week even if we are just walking 3 days a week. Physical also includes proper nutrition and adequate rest. For social, we could look for ways to serve others although our children may be all who we are able to serve during the younger years. It is great to make a few friends so you have others to talk to and help when they need it. Social could also be making sure we are going on dates with our spouses. Connecting with others matters deeply. And spiritual for me, I pray daily for help with children to know how to deal with different situations and I try to read scriptures and teach my children as well. For many, spiritual growth serves as the anchor that holds everything else together. It does not have to be an equal balance but including these 3 or 4 areas in our lives, will help us to feel energized and happy and willing to serve our children, spouses and neighbors or friends.

Ultimately, when we take care of ourselves and prioritize our relationships, everything else in parenting falls into place more naturally. We correct less because we teach more. We react less because we prepare more. We don’t have to constantly put out fires because we’re nurturing a peaceful and connected environment. And even when things go wrong—and they inevitably will—we’re better equipped to handle them with love, grace, and wisdom. By focusing our energy on what really matters—starting with ourselves and building upward—we create a family culture that is resilient, loving, and joyful.

I am the Phoenix Rising. (2019, May 31). Parenting series 1 of 3: The parenting pyramid. I am the Phoenix Rising. https://iamthephoenixrising.wordpress.com/2019/05/31/parenting-series-1-of-3-the-parenting-pyramid/